So, Jay leaves in a few short days for BC. He is only gone for three weeks the first time around...the longest he will be gone over the next 6 monthes will be jan-mar.
I have plans for his absence.
Since Cadence starts school this sept, ill have some more free time. My evenings will relatively be mine as the kids dont start dance till Sept 21. i dunno when cadets starts.
Now, although i intend to get back into the work force this fall, now that cadie will only need part time child care... I intend to devote my first three weeks without Jay here to myself.
I wont have to worry about jay being around, the kids are generally gone after supper till 7:30pm, and they are not home during the day. So i intend to put myself thru a very intense regeme of exercise... And without Jay here, i have more control over meals, and diet. I can eat what Im wanting without Jay saying something....I have a huge issue with failure, and if i start something and fail..he'll know...but if i can manage thru three weeks....21 days...the time required to change a habit....and i get somewhere with this, illbe more apt to continue. Im not capable of eatting a different meal then my hubby...I cant avoid the carbs, or eat small portions in front of him as he will know im "trying again" and if i stumble or fall off completely..he knows....So im hoping to make my changes and get comfortable with it, and when he gets back, ill be confident.......or this will get all shot to hell in the first week like every other time... Hopefully not. I want to succeed sincerely this time around. Im FINALLY after 3 years feeling GOOD! Between my meds finally being balanced, and less stress since all my labs are coming back clear, and my energy lifting with better nutrition supporting my finally balanced hormones, i feel i can do this.
I also am going to be quitting smoking once he is gone, and also Timmies..(any idea how much Fat is in a Lg steeped tea Double Double?????? you dont wanna know!) So ditching the ciggys and the caffine (and its sugar and cream), ill manage cardio better.
I cant say exactly what i expect to accomplish in Three weeks, but i know it will be something.
Im hoping my sister comes by on her way to the airport to show me the Physio she was given to help correct her Breast Induced Hump. the weight of our breasts has greatly affected our posture, thus causing a kind of hump. So if i can correct it, fix my posture and strengthen my muscles, and lose some weight I may be able to avoid the Breast reduction ive been discussing with my mom, jay and Dr for the past 5 years.
Ive struggled with my weight for many years. Ive fixed the disease that caused it, now i have to do the work to get rid of the weight. There are so many reasons, main being health, second being my kids, i dont want them to be bugged about my weight...their friends will always know me as "the kewl mom" but non friends will only know me as "his/her fat mom"....AND to be more active with them...I confess, i dont take them to the pool because of my weight, i dropped otu of Cadies preschool swim class because I was the biggest parent there. Thirdly, for my marriage. I dont like being intimate with my husband because of my weight. When i sucumb to him out of a feeling of obligation, i do enjoy myself, but i avoid the situation as much as possible...to the point that we are intimate once maybe twice a month....he wants me, he is always making advanced, he loves me and desires me regardless..but i feel ashamed, and embarassed.
So yeah, I intend to spend much of my time exercising- doing my jillian Michaels 30 day shred DVD, watching Wind at my Back and Road to Avonlea each night while riding my stationary bike, doing resistance training, and eatting a completely over hauled meal plan, andrealy focusing on my posture..i might try sitting on my balance ball while web surfing, and sitting tall when im knitting..instead of being sprawled on the couch at the end of the day after dinner clean up is done.
well.....thats everything on my mind right now....ill write thru this endeavour...
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