Tired

I had a crappy sleep last night. I was up reading til around midnight... Im almost done my 3rd read-thru of my Anne of Green Gables/Anne of Avonlea/Anne of the Island book. Its so big and im close to the end so when i was trying to turn the page, while laying on my side last night i dropped it and it made a loud crash waking jay up lol. But i read until i couldnt see straight lol. I LOVE this book, and i know i will start it over once im done lol.... Then with the impending full moon, and the fact that i MUST have been on my back, i had a night mare. It was just after jay got up, as when he came back to the room to grab his book for his washroom visit he said i was making some freaky noises like i was scared...well in my dream we were in a house that had spirits that were scaring me, and i was trying to yell the best i oculd to 'leave this place' 'go away' 'we dont want you here!'. The spirits were making water drip on my head out of seemingly nothing, they were doing other things, but all i really remember was if this doesnt stop ill have to live with this dripping water on my head forever...well after all the attempts to yell at them to cross over, leave our place; it all stopped, then i found ourselves and Bill and Dee at the lake/beach. it was warm but not summer, and so we knew the water would be really cold but the kids wanted to play in the sand, so we set up near a vacant volly ball court..in the sun, sandy, but no where near the tempting but fridgid lake. Then things changed again and i was in this building with the NCIS team, and we were trying to find a way out cuz someone ws gonna blow up the building and the door was chained, and Jethro and Zeba were trying to force the door open and they got it somewhat passable, but they didnt think they could get thru, so i got thru and they followed and we ran for cover, but it didnt explode...and it was weird...but yeah.... WEIRD dreams last night!!!!!

Well, last night was just Crap-freaking-tastic. I was sooooooo freaking mad. The beginning of the story.... ive written before im sure about how Jay is getting screwed around at work... He is trying to apply for a special thing, he needs to do testing, borden wont let ANYONE applying for this thing do any testing till they do a new Buildup Program..well the damn program doesnt exist yet..its still being thought up!!!!! Jay called the Sgt of the desired unit and told him whats going on....He was PISSED! this means all applicants are being 'held up' and they NEED people. So he told jay that all they need is his paperwork sent to him, and he could be put on the next serial of testing the first week of April. Jay told his Sgt, and also that the other sgt wanted him to call him. So P called E, they talked, P got all the info ect, handed up the chain.... Well, didnt shit hit the fan when the Sgt Maj got it... The SM Freaked, reamed out P, P told Jay he is not to call E or contact him ever agian adn that if E contacts him to refer him to his CoC. The SM is calling E to ream him out, E is likely then gonna subit that info up his CoC, and that Unit is gonna have it out with Jays Unit! In the mean time jay is still being bent over and taking it up the *&^ without any Lube, and is getting more and more pissed by the day. As am I!!!! I can handle the Life, i can handle him being gone on short notice, being away, I could handle postings and moves, and all that Jazz. I cna handle a tour, i can handle all the things the CF is about.... I cannot Handle assholes who deliberatly F*ck people over because they dont want to lose their staff, who dont want 'Ottawa' questioning them why all their members are BEGGING to be posted out. BT is soo messed up that NO ONE wants to be there, with the exeption of the slack ass dinks who are happy to piddle around doig squat all and collecting the nice pay cheques.... I hate hate hate those who purposely screw people over!!!!!

Its like, My hubby wants to be 'that guy'. He wants to work hard, get dirty, be a Soldier, be useful, use his skills. He Wants to go over seas again ( hasnt been since his Kosovo tour in 99) He doesnt like being the guy who once dropped 'That Guy' off at the Mess, or the Range, or Field..... He does boo all here... he is as he puts it a Rental Car agent. He inspects the vehicles other Units and schools borrow..and once a month spends a week taking guys to the field.... That is Not what he signed on for. Its so stupid. It bugs the heck outta me to read on MCF all these people being posted, hubbies are away on course, going thru tours....Thats what we want. He wants to help make a difference, not be the guy who is passed over while 'the guy' only joined for the pay cheque, and is scared shitless about being deployed; gets sent over, or watch the lazy ass get posted to his dream job that requires hard work. It sucks!!!!
I want to suport the man who has such ambition, its really hard to support the man who is so beaten down and miserable in his job...and its not like the Civvie world where we would jsut make adjsutments and change jobs. The Only options we have are "wait it all out" OR " quit, move to Pet and join the reserves there" well, Jay is No quitter..so we are stuck "waiting it out"

I miss the way thigs were when we were in London...we enver knew where he was going, when he was going, how long he was going, it was exciting, he was Happy, and we worked it all out, and our relationship does very well while he is gone. We write love letters, and have a great time when we get to see eachother...Since... we have only endured him getting more and more miserable, and it affects everything else in life..... Ugh...i dunno...all i can do is Pray that things happen and that he gets told that he can go to Pet the first week of April and do the tests and see if they will take him.....Pray Pray Pray is all i do about this...I jsut really need things to happen soon as come Sept im going back to work once Cadie is in school, and i dont exactly want to start here, and he have to go on IR till im thru probabtion in a new Job to be transfered (trying to get into base hosp) Its not teh being apart...its the REALLY wanting to be in Pet with a decent Q, and living there in all the awsomeness of Pet..lol..i love Pet.... Grr.....

God has a plan...i know this, and things happen for a reason.....but it would be really nice if Gods plan matched mine lol!!!!!!! Please Lord, Nudge things in our Favor....PLEASE..

well that is all i have to write about at the moment...

Ciao