Its been a crappy day in in that i wokeup witha sore nasopharynx..and had major sinus pain this afternoon.i feel like crap.....
Tonight while jay was at work, after 'Bomb Girls', my mom and i were watching a new TLC show called 'My 600lb Life'. Its an interesting show and mom and i were watching it non judgementally. Jay came home more then half way thru it.... The woman had gone from 645lbs to 180lbs, and had 2 skin removal surgeries. Its a graphic show, and in this one scene after jay came home, the woman was showing her abdomen- the major changes - after even having skin removed left a shrivelly wrinkly bit of hanging-ness....... Jay, who hadnt seen the whole show and is obviously daft, made a gagging noise.....
The following half hour was brutal.
I have a considerable bit of weight to lose....... I also, dont have stretchy skin.......... my babies and my weight gain from thyroid disease ruthlessly ravaged my skin....... if i am successful with my latest endeavor...... i will be shrivelly, wwrinkly, hangy........ so........... my husband will find me revolting........
it doesnt matter what i do, i cant win..................... My abdomen looks like hell now btween the weight and the stretchmarks............. if i manage to lose just the weight im wanting to, its gonna look awful!
My mom and jay are trying to convince me that i wont look like that just because i dont weigh 645lbs...... well i know for a goddamn fact that i weigh more then enough to end up with a discusting mess hanging on my front. My mother herself has a wrinkly little bit of a pouch that is scarred by stretchmarks and surgical scars...and she has NEVER been anywhere close to my size! just a wee pouch - but it shrivelled, and looks kinda like the one jay gagged over tonight......
it broke my heart......
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