ugh!

So, I have been spending alot of time dwelling on myself. I am so unhappy with myself. Back in January I had made a deal with Jay regarding losing 30lbs. Well...i didnt happen. Not even CLOSE...actually ill admit to having not lost a thing! And what really bugs me is i have been getting out walking, 4kms, and it hasnt done anything either. I dont have alot of Bad days regarding energy, or food weakness, I dont know if my medical standing has anything to do with it. I really need to get those hormones checked.......and i need to do something before i go for this testing in august....ugh summer.......Summer is soo wonderful....a great time of year for getting out of the house and being active and enjoying the family.....also the time of year of yummy BBQ burgers or hot dogs, and ice cream in waffle cones.....Aye, but such indulgence is acceptable so long as its kept to the weekend, and balanced with alot of activity! So, its not too bad...not like Christmas...sitting at home in away from the cold, snuggled under a blanket, next to a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of yummy short bread cookies!

I have so much work to do and have put it off....and i am a real ass for doing it. I REALLY need to start going to the gym..i have a membership, i asked for it..and all i have used it for is getting the kdis swimming lessons at a reduced rate. Speaking of, i intend to go to the gym while the kids are at their lessons tonight....Not looking forward to it, but if i do it, it may inspire me to go again tomorrow....I wonder if id fit Tjs bike...Hmm, i should see when he gets home...he is almost my height, and i prefer a youth bike to adults, as i feel unsafe being high up..barely reaching he ground with my toes.....
Jay and i need a bike..but it needs a Zip adjust seat, as i dont like a high seat, and jay doesnt like a low one.

I have a total of 80lbs to lose, and i really need to get on it, i have no excuses anymore. I know its going to take hard work, and i need to do it, and its really gonna suck if Jay gets buff, and im still Fat.

There are 2 pieces of equipment i want to pick up..probably 3, as i dont think i will get my Balls back any time soon, i need a Ball, a Step, adn Jay wants a weight. I really dont want to get him a whole set thingy as i dont think he would really use it all the time and its alot of money. He is doing really well at growing his biceps, but his forarms are still puny..lmao. So he needs a weight to sit on the couch with and work his forarms. I gave him my Band last night as he was sitting there, and it works somewhat for him, but not as well, as he has to sit a certain way ,and it needs to be adjusted to give him the right tension. If i find them for a good price, i will get two, so that TJ can use them aswell, as he wants to work his muscles..i just wish he would work his cardio.....BUT he is goign to need strength in order to be able to haul his ass out of the lake whne he is doing his capsizing with Cadets. Mishy needs to work on this aswell, as she isnt going to like capsizing, and i want her to be strong wnought to haul herself ack into the boat quickly.

Anyways, i guess that is all i have to say at the moment on all of this..Thursday is when i can purchase the items i want and between now and then i just have to work with what i have i suppose.

well thats all for now, back to web wandering...see who has a good price on the things i want.....

ciao